Beautiful. Troubled. Gone.

The beautiful woman in this photo was my cousin's  daughter.  

The other day, my cousin sent me a text message asking when he could call me that day.  He had something he wanted to talk to me about.  I sent him a text when I got home. The phone rang within seconds after I hit send.

My cousin was crying, and hard to understand.  I asked him if his Mom was okay.  He said yes.  Then he told me his daughter was gone.  He said that on March 1st, he and his wife came home to find her dead in a recliner in their living room. 

He said she didn't want a funeral.  She didn't want a memorial.  She didn't want......

I asked him if she had left a note.  He said yes.  He said in the note she apologized for being a shitty daughter and a shitty sister.  She was neither.

We talked for quite a while.  About the loss of his daughter.  About family.  About things.  About his sadness.  About how he and his wife would very rarely leave their daughter home alone.  About who knew of her passing. About how they were coping.  About whether or not they had anyone they could go to for help.

He asked me not to tell anyone.  I am sworn to secrecy.  I will honor his request.  I will honor the request of their daughter.  It's not easy.  It's not easy because in times of pain, sadness, sorrow, you want to reach out to others.  I can't do that.  So, I turn to my blog, my therapy.

Makes me wonder.  I wonder if his daughter felt invisible in life.  I wonder if the wishes of his daughter have made her invisible in death.  Gone. To be forgotten.  To be trouble(d) no more.

I have memories of her.  I remember when she shared a video of a time she and a friend of hers took a boom box to a busy area in Chicago and danced to Michael Jackson's "Thriller".  It was awesome.  I remember seeing photos she took while she was taking photography in college.  They were awesome.  I remember seeing photos taken of her while she was modeling.  They were awesome. 

I remember the day she was born.  Time spent with her when she was a child. And I wonder.  I wonder if she had ever been told how awesome she was.

Rest In Heaven. Rest free.  Be at peace.