Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The trip back.

When I called my mom for her birthday, I asked her if she wanted me to come home. She told me it was up to me. I told her I knew she was tired, and asked her again if she wanted me to come home. She said, "Why don't you then." That was all I needed to hear. The next day I packed a few things, BooDuh and headed to Wisconsin.

I had a wonderful visit with my mom, and dad. Seeing Mom in the nursing home, very thin and frail was not easy at first. It reminded me of the times before when she had been in the hospital and I would feed her. Although those times, she was still strong. Mom's mind is sharp, but she didn't engage in conversation. She would answer a question if asked, and then lay there silently in her body. Her tiredness very visible.

In the weeks since I came home to Montana, Mom has gotten stronger. I have had some really wonderful conversations with her on the phone. Conversations that would lead you to believe she is going to live forever and a lifetime. I have been told she sleeps a lot, and that reminds me she is tired. Yes, tired, but not yet ready to let go and sleep the eternal sleep that is everyone's destiny.

I had thought of titling this post "The trip back home", but Wisconsin didn't feel like home to me anymore. It felt like a place I had been before, familiar, but not home. Everything was the same as it was when I lived there. Everything that is except me. I had changed. Grown perhaps?


The Fabulous Diva said...

An author once wrote "You can't go home again" meaning that things may seem familar yet they have changed, they only remain the same in one's memory.

I've gone home, and there is change yet some familar things, sometimes I hate the passage of change, and sometimes it's a good thing.

It's good that you went home, have you grown? We all grow, we have to, in order to cope. I hope your Mom gets stronger, that would be wonderful.

its_me_in_montana said...

Fab Diva,

Thanks for stopping by. True change can be a good, or bad thing. There are also many ways to grow, weary, anxious, tired, impatient.

Any change I have experienced is paled by the changes my father has to cope with in not having the woman he has loved for 2/3 of a century by his side.

Mom has had good days and bad day to be sure. Thanks for your hope. I appreciate your words.

Peace, Boni