Is it forever already?!?

I wasn't prepared for an end. More than once, I had told Gerald I would not accept anything less than forever, and he said yes, nothing less than forever. I didn't know forever was so short!!

On my last night at Gerald's, I was there to pack the rest of my things. I had an ideal pictured in my head that we would talk. (Sometimes I really crack myself up.) He was out, as he had been most nights in those last couple of weeks.

When he came home, I was on the phone with a friend. I had the football game on. I hung up from my phone call. Told him hello. He went in the bedroom and changed clothes, then came out into the living room and laid on the couch. I could smell the whiskey from across the room. He fell asleep. I figured there would be no talking. No closure. No discussion about what made it end.

Gerald's big thing when we first started our relationship, was "communication". He had to be with a woman that was willing to communicate. Get outside help if things went wrong. All things I was very willing to do. During our relationship, we didn't communicate. We talked, but not about deep level things. I thought things were going well. Oh, we had our ups and downs, what couple doesn't?

Come to think of it, the only time we had deep level communication was when we would instant message each other, before I moved to Montana. We would talk on the phone, and not talk about the same things we talked about when we instant messaged each other. I still wonder why that was. I even brought it to his attention more than once.

I know communication goes both ways. I could have started some of the conversations I wanted to have. But, I think I realized early on, that it was about Gerald and what he wanted to talk about. And, maybe, just maybe I was afraid of what might be said.