We all hide behind something, a picture, words, a smile, laughter, tears.
Are we afraid of what would happen if we came out from behind the picture, words, smile....? Are we afraid of our vulnerabilities? Afraid of rejection?
I started this blog as a kind of therapy. I had been hurt down to my soul, to the very core of me. I needed something to talk to....that didn't hear my sobs. There were words and actions said and done by Gerald, that haunt me. Things I wouldn't think another could say or do to someone they had loved. Things I have told no one. And, no matter how many times I sing in my head, sometimes they sing louder.
I have been told to forget him, he's no good. I think anyone reading this blog can agree he is not a good person. I don't miss Gerald. I miss being a we. I used to love being a me by myself. I used to go through life so easily, doing things as a me. Now I just tire easily.
I have been told to focus on the future. I can do that, truly. I know someday I will be over this hurt. That the scars on my soul will fade. That the core of me will be okay. I have already experienced more good days than bad. And, I know they will only get better. After all, I am living in Montana!
As for me, I used to hide behind 45 extra pounds, and hair down to the small of my back. I don't miss those things. I don't mind being exposed. And, now I am hiding less behind my smile and laughter. And I think myself only human, to have good days and bad days.
I know I have ranted and rambled in this post. But you know what? A day that started out a bad day, is turning into a good day after all. Therapy at less than whatever an hour!